Hey!   Here's a Thought For the Day!..

11:30 pm  



 So this past Valentine's Day I thought I'd get a little cute with the old broad,  you know? I thought hey you know I seen those commercials for that that that gay movie about a was a magic mark magic markers? or something like that? and in the previews I saw something and I thought to myself hey! How about for Valentine's Day, I'm gonna hide in the closet dressed as a police officer and when she gets off work I'll have a nice little dinner made and stuff and I'll come out and surprise her! “Hey, baby.  Cupid is kinda busy.   That’s why they called in, the love police!   Something like that, and then I’ll pop the cork off a bottle of fine tequila and I'll tell her, “YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to REMAIN SEXY!” or something like that, you know?   Then softly instruct her (good cop/bad cop)  to turn around, move slowly backwards, and get on her knees. you know? Right?   It's kind of romantic if you get the discrete sexual innuendos in there.   She's under arrest right?  Things were good.


 Well I was sitting in that goddamn closet for five fucking HOURS! And after a while I got pretty drunk, cause I guess apparently I had completely forgot that she always gets off work at the same time every fucking day. So by the time she gets home, I’m asleep, she startles me, I’m pissed, I don’t know who the person is screeching so I pop out of the closet with no pants on and my loaded rifle, and I shouted, ”PUT YOUR MOTHER WHORE FUCKING SILLY SLUT *** **** ****** ******* **** SHIT STAINED HANDS UP IN THE GODDAMN AIR!  NOW!” 

In case you hadn’t noticed yet, I have zero recollection of these events, but..

Well...   She was understandably hysterical, and I didn’t understand what was going on. 

Obviously we were both extremely concerned for the others’ safety.  She continuously clawed at my face, like a wild beast in heat.  Flailing about like some sort of banshee.  I needed to defend myself.   I knew she must be restrained, because she wouldn’t shut the hell up!  So I bound her hands with duct tape, then while pressing my knee to her sternum, firmly applying the entire weight of my body…  help should be here soon…

 but next thing I know the fucking cops are surrounding me while I’m trying to restrain my goddamn Valentine’s Day broad, who’s CLEARLY FUCKING UNSTABLE, and I say, (drunk, mind you), I say, “Don’t worry boys!...  I got this one under control.... 😉”

So, I forgot I was dressed like a half-naked police officer so, OF COURSE, all they see is a drunken pervert (actual pending charge) pretending to be a cop, engaged is several forms of felony assault, all at one time!  One time!



Anyways.  How was your Valentines Day?


2/21/2023   10:53 pm

At a Friends House, Rocky Ford, CO

I'm the worlds worst fucking 37 yr old stoner, ever.  Why? - you ask?

Well, here's an example in the form of another "why" question:

"Why, is a 37 year old man, stoned as shit, walking on his tippy-toes to get a glass of milk?   Why is the 37 year old man 

mumbling this to himself, while thinking this to himself, as he's tip-toeing around the kitchen, when.."


Suddenly, in an extreme moment of conciousness, the completely baked out-of-his-goddamn-gored 37 year old man achieves prophetic awareness of his environment...

"I'm in a kitchen.  It's not mine."  the worthless 37 year old man mumbles to himself.  "The ball is in my court!  There's the fridge...  Move...Slowly..."

Approaching the fridge, the floorboards start to crack.  "FUCK!", - whispered the worthless and stoned 37 year old sack of shit to himself...

"I knew it was there!  Why?  God...G-DAMMIT!" the self-inflicted nagging voices slobbering upwards in a chilled, breath-like 

caution; normally this atheistic display towards a Kennedy-esque last refuge is reserved strictly for Royalty, the wealthy and powerful, and the gays.  Not common amongst the likings of a goddamn 37 year old piss-ass pothead piece of shit sorry excuse for a man!

Anyways, the weed wore off by the time that no-good, god-awful, filthy, ugly, unstable and violently STONED 37 year old menace pretending to be a man... could finish typing.